I Remember When
by GojyoLoverForever
Summary: Someone in the Sanzo Ikkou remember their past lives in heaven, yet cannot say anything about it.  Who is he?  You know the drill, I dont own any of the Saiyuki characters though I wish I did!  This is NOT a Yaoi story.  Please comment!  ENJOY!


_The room was dark and relatively quiet this night, a gentle breeze was blowing outside, rustling the leaves of a near by tree. Soft noises of night animals could be heard outside as the stars shone in the sky. Sanzo, Goku, Gojyo, and Hakkai had been traveling hard the last few days, and were grateful to be sleeping inside this night. Of course, there was only one bed and four of them, so they had settled things in the typical way- drawing of the cards. As usual- man he seemed so lucky- Hakkai won the draw and the bed was his this night. Now, several hours later, the four were sound asleep, only their faithful dragon friend was still awake. The small room was cramped and crowded as the traveling companions were unaware that they were being watched this night._

Sanzo lay on one of the mats spread out on the floor at the far side of the small room they had gotten for the night. His arm was folded under his head and beside him, shinning in the moonlight that fell through the window, was his banishing gun. I remember a time when the Sanzo Priest did not have that gun. Indeed, I remember a time before he was even called Sanzo or was part of the holy order of Buddhist monks. There was a time, long… long ago, when the violet-eyed man with golden hair went by another name. He was Konzen Douji, nephew of the Merciful goddess herself. He was once a god of heaven, respected for his wisdom and also feared for his quick temper. Sanzo has no memory of this life, he has no recollection of it, but I remember. Oh yes, I remember Konzen, for I was once there in heaven with him as well. Sanzo takes me for granted and doesn't appreciate everything I do for him and his companions now. He never stops to think that I am the one helping them along on this journey of theirs- that they would not be able to reach their goal without me. Yet, all he does is griped and complain and yell when I need a break- he really hasn't changed in some ways since I knew him as Konzen. In heaven I saw him giving his orders and performing his job… no emotions and no feelings. He seemed empty, like a hollow shell of a man, with no purpose or plan for his life. That all changed when the child Goku was brought up from the lower world.

Those piercing eyes scanned the room, falling on the prone form of Goku. He lay on the matt spread out in the middle of the room. Soft snores could be heard coming from his open mouth, but they were growing louder. His arms were stretched out wide to either side and a trail of drool was forming down his chin. I had to laugh to myself and shake my head, he had not changed much at all since he was in heaven- he was still a child in so many ways. I still remember the first time I saw the little heretic. He had just been assigned to Konzen and I saw him walking down one of the palace hallways, running after Konzen. Heavy manacles and chains were on his ankles and arms and a heavy metal collar was around his neck, and yet he ran circles around Konzen easily. I watched them go, wondering who would end up killing who first. Son Goku became a fixed icon in heaven after that and was always seen around the palace. If he wasn't running from an angry Konzen he was searching for his friends, the General and Field Marshall. Goku also became something of a friend to War Prince Nataku, if a puppet assassin could even have friends. Goku is as much a pain now as he was then in heaven- he was always pestering and tormenting me, wanting me to play or asking me questions. I would push him aside and continue on my way, I was an important man after all. It is the same now, his constant whining and wanting to play, yet now I can do little to resist and must let him poke and prod and play to his heart's content. Maybe this is my punishment for ignoring him all of those times. He has others here he could pester though… like that Sha Gojyo.

Gojyo… Kenren Taisho was his name in heaven, and he was as arrogant and yet endearing then as he is now. As I look at him now, blood red hair falling over his arms as he sleeps, a smug grin on his face- dreaming of some hot girl no doubt, I cannot help but marvel at where he once was. General Kenren was one of the most powerful men in heaven- both admired and hated. He was good at what he did but he did things his own way; whether that was to his credit or detriment didn't seem to matter much to him. I probably had more contact with Kenren than any of the others while they were still in heaven. I can remember the battles of whit and word we would get into on quite a regular basis, the fights and arguments, and the childish banter. Yet, at the same time, there was an unspoken respect felt on both of our parts and we respected each other in some strange unannounced way. He was so different now- an outcast, rejected by many except this small group he found himself a part of now. His own mother tried to kill him and even after saving his life, his own brother could not stay with him. Gojyo truly was a loner. He cared deeply for his friends but found it hard to let his feelings show. He was prone to wandering off at nights to get drunk, to try and drink away the pain of his past. I remember the night he had too much to drink and I had to carry him home- wasn't a pretty a site. Despite all that, he has no memory of his past life, and as far as he is concerned things are going good enough for him and he is content with the life he has.

The final member of the group slept soundly on the bed that was rightfully his that night, hands folded neatly on his flat stomach as he slept, his monocle laying on the small table beside the bed. Cho Hakkai, formerly known here on the lower world as Cho Gonou, the demon slayer, he was once known as Field Marshal Tenpou Gensui. Quite possibly one of the three or four most powerful and influential figures in heaven, Tenpou was responsible for all the military plans, strategies, and battle games that took place between heaven and the enemies of the lower world. In some ways he is not much different now as Hakkai… his calm outward demeanor hides a fiery temper, he is fiercely loyal to his friends, and will stand up for what he feels is the right thing to do. Yet, in some other ways he is different. Field Marshal Tenpou had the respect and power of all, but Cho Hakkai is more of the silent bond that holds this little group together. He is the quiet one yet he is the backbone and center of this group- without him I am sure they would not last long. I remember how Tenpou always stuck up for his friends, even Kenren when he would get himself into trouble- yet again. He was one of the few who could reason with Konzen when he was in a mood. He also was kind and patient with the wild child Goku, and helped him become more civilized. While I did not have a lot of interacting with him in heaven, here in the lower world, I knew him the best of any of the four companions. It was Hakkai who I knew inside and out, his habits, likes and dislikes, and his true feelings for each member of this group. I knew him so well, and yet he barely knew the real me… he doesn't even remember these fiery red eyes from his past anymore.

It is a funny thing, fate- our lives have been woven together in the past and it remains so today. Yet they hold no memory of these times, they have the ability to speak and converse yet they carry no memories to speak of. I on the other hand, hold every memory in tact but have been robbed of all ability to tell them who they once were. I am the fifth member of this group yet I am the silent member. If only they knew the things I remember, the things I know about them and their pasts, and the choices they made. It was their decision to leave heaven's beauty and splendor, having grown tired of the corruption and hypocrisy in heaven. Konzen, Goku, Kenren, and Tenpou bound themselves to each other- with brotherly love that I have never witnessed before. After they were sent to the lower world, I began to realize what a beautiful thing they had, trust in another person, the love of another, and the hope that no matter what lays ahead it will be alright. I wanted to know that, I wanted to be a part of that. So I too made my choice to leave the life I knew- like Tenpou and the others I took on a new life and a new identity. However, for whatever reason- and the Merciful Goddess alone knows why- I retained all my memories of our past together. The reason for this is the thing I keep searching for and what keeps me going. Yes, I too had a different name in heaven, I was Goujun, Head General of Heaven's Western Army. I miss that name. Maybe that is only because I have memories of it that I long for it at times. Sometimes I would give anything for one of them to say my name... I have almost forgotten what my name sounds like. For whatever reason this is the way things are, and I look towards the day when things will be made clear and the five of us will understand why things are the way they are.

_The room was still quiet though the hours had passed by slowly. The small white dragon looked out the window at the night sky and Kyuu'd softly, as if to sigh sadly at the memories. Looking back into the room he flew over and curled up on the bed, giving one last look at his companions. He was indeed the fifth member of the Sanzo Ikkou… He was __Hakuryuu the tiny white dragon. _


End file.
